If you’re anything like us (which is to say, roughly humanoid in shape, arguably sentient and currently breathing involuntarily) you’ve probably glanced at a calendar sometime in the last quarter, quite possibly around Thanksgiving, noted that Christmas landed on a Sunday this year and said, “F@ck it, I’ll deal with it the week before.”
Well my relatively sentient, roughly bipedal friends, that week before is now actually here. I know. I know. I’m as shocked and bewildered as you. But fear not! We’re here for you!
Every day from now through Christmas itself and beyond, including Christmas Eve this Saturday, we’ll be open from at least noon until at least 10pm for all of your holiday game and gift buying needs. And, as always, we’ll have a wide selection of Pre-Wrapped White Elephant and Secret Santa gifts in clearly marked nerd and geek themes at qualifyingly low prices for all of your desperately-last-minute needs. On your way right now? SO ARE WE! That’s what “conveniently located” means! We’re literally ON THE WAY to that friend-of-a-friend’s party that you didn’t know that you were going to be invited to but are still glad to be going to because you’re still new in town and the Seattle Freeze is all too f@cking real this time of year. And we will hook you up with the evening’s it’s-not-a-competition-but-you’re-still-winningest nerd gift of the night. Oh yes we will. And it’ll be amazingly well wrapped (for free!) to boot!
And we’re still literally the only place in town to buy truly amazing, absolutely one-of-a-kind nerd gifts like Barb paper dolls.
Star Wars earrings.
Questionably licensed lighters!
But wait! That’s not all! Not only do we hook you up with the sweetest of holiday deals on the amazingest of unobtainium all week prior… but WE ALSO host an annual Christmas Eve celebration to ensure that you get the last minute gifts you need without sacrificing worker safety or well being… AND we also follow Christmas itself with three days of our own unique house blend of holiday sales including…
Boxing Day, December 26
featuring knock out deals like ALL STORE CREDIT IS WORTH 50% MORE ON ALL ITEMS!
Karate Day, December 27
featuring bone shattering deals like ALL PREVIOUSLY OWNED GAMES ARE 50% OFF OF THEIR ALREADY AMAZINGLY LOW PRICES!
and Ninjitsu Day, December 28
featuring deals that roll up on you and smoke you like a blunt like 50% OFF OF ALL PREWRAPPED WHITE ELEPHANT AND SECRET SANTA GIFTS!
So whether it’s right now or the day after, or the day after that, get yer’ butt down here, buy all of the things, have a beer, try out one of our five sweet new pinball games and get yer’ ass in the holiday spirit already! You’ll be warm and mildly intoxicated that you did!